Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases On Other Worlds!"...

Boys & Girls! Did you know that on other planets and even in other dimensions, folks celebrate their holidays very much like we do. It seems that no matter where we might travel through the cosmos in the future, we will always find families gathering together and inviting friends over to share a delicious meal in a spirit of gratitude and love. I wonder what's being served at this family's table! Don't you? And they look very hungry!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Didja Know??"... all about Hummels; Part 1…

Did you know that all Hummels are in fact just stale, very stale German cake frosting that are quite edible... after they've been soaked for a few days in a combination of hot Earl Grey tea and two drops of kerosene! They come in a variety of interesting, entertaining, and even instructive shapes and formats! "The 8 Year Old Milk Maid & The Rough-Handed Blacksmith", "The Prepubescent Pirate & The Nun With The Torn Wimple", "The Candle-Maker Makes His Wick Hot", "The Lonely Bearded Lady & The Overly Friendly Goats", and "Fritzi Reads The Paper While Making A Boom-Boom" are particularly tasty. Just bite off a hoof or a buttock and ENJOY!!!

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “A Whole Month Of Thanksgiving”… Leftovers!

Bernice had enjoyed Aunt Carlina's pumpkin pie so much, that when she finished the last piece, she decided to wear the nice doily from the pie plate as a hat- ..um, thingie. .....and she wore it straight through to Easter the following Spring. ...even though the crumbs started attracting the ants back in March…. And oh, how they itched.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Thanksgivings Past!... Before The Parade Passes By!"...

Long before Macy's spent millions and millions of dollars over an entire year getting ready for the annual Thanksgiving Day Parade, there was, of course, a "first parade". The story goes that a Mr. Hiram Neenokker in the "Gentlemen's Tools & Repair Implements" department got together with his pals Maury Spinnaker from "Paints & Shingling" and Marcus Pompule in "Ties & Cravats" and decided to put on a little celebration for the holiday. Mrs. Crowley in the Ladies' Luncheonette on the 6th floor said she had a farm wagon in her backyard and some trees that needed to be cut down for the new driveway, and Myrtle-Anne Maplehead had leftover costumes from the Mt. Zenith Ice Cream Sociable in September (their theme had been our "Indian Friends and Their Bounteous Welcome to Our Ancestors". They all got together on Thanksgiving morning after a night of rum-punch and pinochle and drove their improvised "scenic tableaux" as Mr. Pompule called it down Lefkowitz Blvd. before they were ticketed by the police. The board of directors at Macy's found out in the police gazette the next day, and on Monday, thanked the group explaining that perhaps "they'd like some help the following year with their nice little idea"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Thanksgiving Household Hints & Helpfuls!"...

Facebook Friends!… Making plans for your Thanksgiving?? Why not get in touch with the Institute of Advanced Thankfulness & Attendant Festivities? They have a staff of internationally recognized experts who have lifted the traditional "turkey 'n' stuffing" we all grew up with into a science. And by applying protocols of research, experimentation, and advanced study they have made breakthroughs that may eliminate all the trial and error of improvised side dishes, improperly prepared recipes from Grandma, dried out or fossilized turkey carcasses, bizarre Jello concoctions, and timing catastrophes between arrivals of appetizers and apple pies. They can even provide the modern housewife with special garments which aid in the whole process and protect her from injury while giving her every kitchen utensil she could possibly need. Why not get in touch with our staff today? Just call I-M-N-O-T-U-R-K-E-Y... that's right! Dial 466-688-7539. The nice man will tell you how to order!… and wait! This just in! If you order now, you’ll receive the new miniature carry-all purse-sized version of these handy dandy items… invented by our own Dr. Heidi Klieber, it’s the new “Swiss Army Wife”!… Perfect for Picnics, Parties, or the Battle-Front! It can perform over 76 different “wifely-functions”!… even after “lights-out”!... Call today!

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Sybil's "Rosh Hashanah Mishaps of Yesteryear"... Episode 3 …

...I'm reminded of the time that my charming neighbors Ednetta Davis and her devoted daughter Rachel decided to prepare a quiet Rosh Hashanah dinner for just themselves in their studio apartment in Far Rockaway! They carefully made all the arrangements; the special scented candles, the "Golden Delicious" apples, the special lavender honey, pomegranates, cous-cous with seven vegetables, challah bread, gefilte fish, matzo ball soup, brisket and roast chicken, potato kugel, tzimmes complete with sweet potatoes, and dates and honey cakes for dessert. And of course, an assortment of elegant wines for each course!

Oh, they had spared no expense for their little feast, and on their limited income too, but Rachel didn't want to make her elderly mother feel guilty for all the extravagance. The dinner cost her two week's salary as a substitute art teacher at the elementary school down the street. It was all going so well, until Ednetta decided to hold the dinner in the kitchen until Elijah arrived to fill the empty chair. Rachel tried gently to explain to her sweet but addled mother that Elijah is waited for on Passover, not Rosh Hashanah... and that it's just a tradition, but that he never actually comes to the table. At that point, Ednetta became very agitated and began yelling Elijah's name out their window overlooking the corner of Mott Avenue and Gateway Blvd. Her escalating screaming attracted a crowd and finally the police who had to intervene and take her to Bezalel Hospital for observation.

Poor Rachel. She blew out all the candles, turned off the oven, and left the dinner completely untouched. She didn't have the heart to remind her mother that they were actually Presbyterians... Oh well, I wish all of you a L'shana Tovah!

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Sybil Bruncheon's MORE THAN THEY SEEM STORIES... “A New Party Frock"...

... Jeanine was thrilled! She had gotten the promotion at the office, a bonus and raise, a corner office and two assistants, and all before the Christmas season, so shopping for friends, family, and herself was assured. And what did she do that very afternoon? She went to Saks Fifth Avenue to the designer floor where that beautiful violet cocktail dress was waiting for her. Nice Mrs. Fletcher, the manager, had set it aside right after Jeanine called and put it on her newly opened charge account. So here she was, dancing and celebrating, enjoying the martinis and champagne, the hors d'oeuvres and the caviar. She was having too much fun dancing with handsome Scott from the Advertising Department to notice that Bill, Cathy, and Craig were snickering over by the record player. Bill had just accidentally-on-purpose bumped into her from behind and wiped a huge streak of chocolate frosting on the derriére of her new dress... and oh, how the fun would really begin...

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... from Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries”... behind the MacGregor house...

"Ok, Flopsy, you break into the Clemson's! Take all the silver, and don't forget the hidden compartment in the hutch! They've got some Georgian stuff in there that's worth a fortune! Mopsy, you get the Fearson's and grab the two Picassos and the Warhol!... and you, Fred! Kick in the back door at the MacGregors... empty the vegetable crisper of every goddam carrot and any other roughage you can find! And if MacGregor bursts in on you??... kill him if you have to!... KILL ALL OF THEM!... but whatever you do, don’t forget the bib lettuce!"...

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Sybil’s Tales & Tails: Oscar on a snowy morning....

Oscar always was the first one to be ready on a snowy morning for box-sledding... he liked the snow to be absolutely perfect before all the other kitties had messed it up!... But then he liked everything to be "just so". His water bowl, his treats, his ear fur, his pillow, his toys, his kitty collar, even his fresh kills. "A kitty should be surrounded by perfection... why do you think they call it PURRRING?" was his motto, and he'd wink!.... and on a sparkling, silent morning like this, with the whole world still curled up asleep in their beds, everything, EVERYTHING was just that!... perfect.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "THANKSGIVING IN OTHER LANDS!": Eastern Rumelia…

...You know, boys and girls, we Americans aren't the only people who are grateful for their history. Other countries have their OWN versions of Thanksgiving Day! For instance, in Eastern Rumelia, daddies go out into the woods on the second Wednesday of October every year and gather sticks and dried leaves from stickle-bushes and put them all over their clothes and in their hair ....and wear them for three whole days!!! They go off with all the other daddies from the villages and live in tree forts, or caves, or just lie in piles of wood and drink funny juices made from berries and then dance around bonfires. They like to sing songs very loudly, which sometimes turns into yelling. And they take sticks and decorate them with ribbons and doorknobs and hit each other over the head... or twirl them like batons and prance around pointing their toes and giggling. They play strange card games with dice and old socks, and take baths together when they finally get too itchy. They don't come back till their headaches have gone away...and they've stopped having upset tummies. ....Good little children and mommies aren't allowed to join in the merriment, and everyone gives thanks when it's all over! Now doesn't that Thanksgiving tradition sound like fun???

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