.... Hey Folks!! Do you get swamped with "friend requests" every day?.... I do. As much as a dozen or so every day!...but I have started checking them carefully before I just click them on through. Here are some of the weirder things I've noticed;
1) I get them from strange little postage stamp countries where I have no "mutual friends", and the countries' main income is from actually making postage stamps for collectors although the countries themselves have NO mail boxes...nor indeed any mail SERVICE! (By the way; what ARE stamp collectors called? Fatalists? Fellationists?... whatever...)
2) The friend requests come from people whose names are anagrams for things like Stan Areasa Smith / "Satan is a Hamster", Pasco "Popo" De Le Ischoloti / "Poop is spoiled chocolate", and Beatrisea van Humbold-Wheehoushe / "I have a thumb where a nose should be ".....that sort of stuff. Usually, I assume these are not real names... (but I could be wrong!)
3) Many friend requests come from people who raise their own food....either as pets... or as husbands....or both. I check their photos... for possible recipes...
4) Their notes to me include pleasantries like "Hello, Dearest. I have a bone through my nose, but it looks like a thumb.... Do you have a bone through something?...or would you like to???"
5) There are also the “Hello, Dearest! My name is Cynthia Gladiolus Mtmbeke. I am from Nigeria, and you have won three bazillion dollars"…. Enough said, right?
6) Many of these friend requests are from prisons where people already have many, many friends.... most of whom are far more interesting and well-connected than I am… in or out of prison… and with or without knives and/or the right drugs.
7) Some of these friend requests are from people that I actually dated back in the 60s and 70s... and who might have paid me... True, some of them are asking for refunds. I reject them immediately...and block them.
8) Many friend requests come in the form of the new Facebook apps that allow people to write in ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs or in Babylonian cuneiform.... I don't like to be friends with folks I can't chat with .... well...unless they're paying me... even if they were pharaohs in former lives.
9) I have trouble being Facebook friends with people who send me photos of them as; a) Rock Hudson in his 20s, b) John Gavin in his 20s, c) George Clooney in his 20s, d) Donald Trump in his underpants. (I am neither stupid… nor do I have a strong stomach.)
10) I will absolutely not accept friend requests from child or animal abusers... I will also not accept friends who have used Mr. Potato Head kits on innocent fruits and vegetables lured into grocery baskets at roadside stands, usually with the promise of candy or afternoons at a local movie house.
I don't think I'm being unfair or unreasonable in these parameters…John Gavin in his 20s in a pair of underpants? Yes, that’s something I could make sacrifices for! But short of that?... a girl DOES have to have her standards.
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