SybilSez...

Sybil Bruncheon has been performing on stage, radio, TV, film, and in various Vaudeville, burlesque, church basement, county fair, and sideshow....uh..."venues" for most of her 29 years. She is available for bookings for just about anything and can be reached at bruncheon@hotmail.com and on her website sybilbruncheon.com. She is a proud member of the Actors Equity Association and the Screen Actors Guild. Her erdo number is 16.

Thanksgiving Brining Disasters (519C).jpg

... Ladies, (and I use that term loosely)... are you concerned with serving a plump, moist, and flavorful turkey on Thanksgiving? It's NOT enough for your bird to be any ONE of those enviable qualities, or even TWO! Plump and moist but without a rich, complex flavor is no victory, and let's be honest, shall we? How many of us have waded through the Thanksgiving holiday choking down dry, scrawny, and bland turkey accompanied by endless anecdotes about Uncle Ned's new aluminum siding, or Cousin Nellie's beet-root preserves that exploded in the basement? No wonder so many people dread this holiday and everything that goes with it. Has any poultry ever been so maligned and so experimented on in cooking, sautéing, roasting, barbecuing, micro-waving, and even deep-frying in backyard oil vats! So!... whatever you might do to your turkey, be cautious!... Especially when "brining". So many people are now soaking their birds in a wide and often weird variety of solutions of salt, sugar, seasonings, soda pops, sauces, condiments, liquors, home remedies from the medicine cabinet… and even household cleaning products and fragrances from various perfume counters of questionable repute. 33 children at an orphanage were seriously poisoned by a donated turkey dinner that tasted of Prince Matchabelli’s “Wind Song”, Paco Rabanne, and Mr. Clean. (The perpetrator was never caught.)

Reports of violence and even carnage have been on the increase to neighborhood police precincts, fire stations, and hazmat teams. No one is safe! Your kitchen and Thanksgiving traditions may be quite normal and full of cheerful, family heritage, but what about the Fergusons next door? Has something gone terribly wrong in their refrigerator, their cooler, their bath tub, their vegetable crisper? Is something forcing its way out of a 350°F oven, smoking and groaning and lumbering from Mrs. Bailey's kitchen through their backyard and up your driveway?... closer! Closer!! Be watchful this season!... Be watchful, aware, and even frightened if necessary... before you give any "thanks". There! Is that a scratching at your screen door???....

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