Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: Size doesn’t matter?...

Breaking News From the CNN News Desk: Former president Trump, in an effort to prove his "great and unmatched wisdom" and normal-sized hands, submitted himself to a mysterious Ukrainian scientist, Dr. Подих Пеніса, for help. Villagers near Dr. Пеніса's castle report deafening explosions, flashes of lightning, and loud barnyard sounds. Details of the doctor's experiments have been sketchy at best, and at worst, most disturbing. Apparently, some preliminary experiments were tried out on the president's cabinet members first with horrifying results. Hundreds of villagers and local military members have taken to the hills with torches, pitchforks, and rocket launchers to locate the president and subdue him if necessary, after reports of him drowning and even eating children, various house pets, and unattended Hummels. Details at 6. Mittens at 11.

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