Sybil Bruncheon’s “Thanksgivings Past”… Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: A Reprieve...

The president and first lady have been violently attacked shortly after a press conference in the rose garden! The couple had just presided over the annual pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey, in this case TWO turkeys named "Bread" and "Butter".
Mr. and Mrs. Trump had returned to their residence in their part of the White House when bloodcurdling screams and pleas for mercy were heard echoing through the halls by the serving staff. Secret Service officers were called, and the Trumps were found hideously disfigured with gouged out eyes. The President was discovered in his bathroom missing his hair as well, and Mrs. Trump was located near a garden shed with the words "Bug-Wife" scrawled in what looked like bloody claw scratchings. The turkeys were nowhere to be found nor was their luggage in the Lincoln Bedroom where they were to be guests for the Holiday weekend.
Police are questioning everyone involved with the ceremony including the farm where Bread and Butter lived prior to their celebrity in the nation's capital. Investigations are also being opened at the incubator where they were both raised as orphans and where there may be some evidence of juvenile records of violence or sexual deviancy that might have been sealed. Details at 6. Cranberry Sauce at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "We've Got a Nose for News!!"...

… from the White House. Donald Trump, in a fit of despondency over growing scandals, reports of criminal activities, possible charges of treason, and both a failing presidency and marriage, was just sighted blowing his brains out in the oval office. Medical personnel were on hand immediately but tragically they could not restore all of his brain matter either from his index finger or from under the edge of the desk where apparently he had been hiding much of it over the last few months. Details at 6. Kleenex at 11.

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