Sybil Bruncheon's People and Poetry...

Puckered lips and rasping snarl, Squinty eyes and ready quarrel, Crab-like gestures, orange pout, Greasy handshake, bulbous snout.

Cotton candy ‘stead of hair. Bloated torso but no heart there. Sawed in half you’d find some guts, Jimmy Hoffa, a stack of smuts.

And when he slithers ‘cross the floor, There’s a trail of slime, and maybe gore. He’ll grab your privates; no invite needed. Repeated lawsuits, threats unheeded.

Billions? Millions? Maybe less. Angst and anger, viral stress. He lives for fame and adoration. And bilks his minions, rapes the nation.

“I’ll drain the swamp! I swear! I promise. And appoint fair judges, like Clarence Thomas." Thanks, red-voters, for your behemoth-mess… Who is this monster? Can you guess?

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Sybil Bruncheon's "People In Poetry!"... A Wedding Day...

Mimsy knelt at her sister’s feet, so proud and glad, you see.

For Myra was to be a bride, and married off to Lee.

“The eldest daughter leads the way”, their Mother sagely said.

“No other girl may marry till the oldest girl has wed.”

 

While Mimsy knelt, dear Flora Sue kissed Myra on the cheek.

Not yet her chance to run away, a honeymoon to seek.

She had her eyes on Carlton Drubb, an up and coming Clerk,

Whose Father owned a notions shop and forced him there to work.

 

And Stacy Sue, there on the right, tried on her sister’s veil.

The youngest of the Fernley girls, her fancies didn’t fail.

She dreamt of Princes, Shahs, and Kings, or maybe just a duke.

She’d even settle for a judge wearing a high peruke.

 

But Mimsy, Flora, ‘n’ Stacy Sue, just didn’t seem to note

That Myra sat in her bridal gown, her thoughts all so remote.

Her feverish brain was filled with fears and riddled through with dread.

A week of nightly terrors that concerned her marriage bed.

 

To tell the truth, our Bride-to-be had never played the bride

In childhood games with other girls, she even sometimes cried!

And kissing boys behind the barn had nearly made her sick.

Their rough and stupid manners, their intellects so thick!

 

Now here she was, a grown-up girl, compelled to play the game.

The game that every woman knows or else to live in shame.

Be a wife, and be polite. Eventually bear a child.

And cook and clean and bake a cake… Or always be reviled.

 

So Myra stared now straight ahead, to a dreary, weary life.

Of baby showers and diaper dirt as Lee’s so pretty wife.

But walking in right through the door was her school chum Clara-Ann!

Their eyes did meet, they shared a kiss, and off the two girls ran!

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “I Had A Dream”...

… Breaking News from the CNN News Desk:
Donald Trump has been killed in a fiery car crash involving a Good Humor truck and 400lbs of Creamsicles. He awakens in a strange bedroom with all the doors and windows bricked over and no exits. On the side table is a copy of Jean Paul Sartre's play "Huis Clos". The lines for Joseph Garcin are underlined with a note saying Trump should learn them immediately... or not... whatever. Suddenly, from under the bed, Sarah Huckabee and Kellyanne Conway climb out and reveal that they are to play the roles of Inès Serrano and Estelle Rigault... or not... whatever. The role of the Valet is to be played by Mike Pence... who doesn't show up. There is an increasing smell of sulfur and farts along with extreme heat, and muffled laughter coming from inside the walls... or possibly mooing. The voice of Rod Serling is heard explaining that no, this is not a dream... and it's permanent. Whatever.

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Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: A Simple Request…

Boys and Girls! Mummie wants to remind you when you’re making your Halloween costumes… it’s quite alright to be a ghost or a goblin or a witch… but let’s never paint our faces black, even if your older brother in college and his fraternity friends in a pick-up truck say it’s ok! It’s NOT!

And if they call you stupid, tell them your pal Sybil Bruncheon has big muscles and will punch them in their pitubees!!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Breaking News from the CNN News Bureau!"... Putin Might Be Scootin’… (part 1)

Various international news agencies are reporting that Vladimir Putin may not still be in power by the end of this year, and in fact, may already be out of the Kremlin. Several rumors have surfaced as to where he may be and what he may be doing... (clockwise from upper left)...

1) Putin has always been eager to entertain, even as a child. He reportedly was an adept magician for birthday parties at the age of 8, and had learned how to be a ventriloquist from classes offered on the backs of comic books like "Super Comrade" and "Batmanski"... he also has a notoriously "talented" right hand...

2) Putin has always considered himself a sexual dynamo, possibly with either sex. Out of office and the public eye, he may have begun dating international businessmen, especially if they're billionaires. He particularly likes gifts of excellent champagne, top notch caviar, and cashmere jock straps...

3) Rumors have swirled that Hollywood has approached him with a series of Russian bio-pic films about American icons of the past; heroes of US history that he might consider are (in this photo) Dwight Eisenhower. Also possibly Teddy Roosevelt, Paul Revere, Mr. Rogers, and Betty Crocker.

4) Steven Spielberg may have already signed Putin on to a film, tentatively titled ДЕРЖИ МОЮ ЯЩЕРИЦУ ШЛОНГ. Rumors claim that it's the story of a shy, charming paleontologist who can't connect with girls and gradually becomes enamored with a popular raptor from the international jet-set. Despite the difference in their ages, she takes a liking to him. Romance ensues, and a wedding, and she eats him on their Honeymoon... in Minsk.

 5) Putin’s love for his cat, Meow-scow, was very well known until the little Kremlin Kitty ran under the runners of a snow sleigh during the annual Christmas festival cross-country sled race. Putin was devastated and had all 12 competing Santas shot by firing squad right there in Red Square in front of holiday shoppers at Macy’s and all their children. In memory of little Meow-scow, there’s a very good chance he might volunteer at a pet shelter and take a personal interest in homing even the most feral, rabid, and physically grotesque animals in homes of reluctant and unwilling citizens.

 6) Putin’s love of pop-music endeared him to all of Russia, especially the younger “hip” generation! A renowned ballroom dancer and air-guitar player, he may very well pursue a career at a local radio station as DJ, specializing in romantic “love-pad” music. His personal playlist on his 8-track tape deck includes “How Deep Is Your Love”, “Country Road, Take Me Home”, “Only The Lonely”, and “How Much Is That Doggy In The Window”. Putin will want to be really popular at the start of his career, so he will definitely talk with listeners on the phone and take requests… however a song that he doesn’t like may result in his death-squad paying a visit to the home of the requester… during the show!!

 7) Putin has long had business relations with various Chinese businessmen, especially in the food industry. His gourmet aspirations to being a first-class Szechuan chef have been hinted at over the years... often at international conferences where his 火熱的辣椒和小狗濃湯 (Fiery Hot Pepper With Puppy) breath might cause diplomats to faint dead away. Rumor has it that he has set aside a veritable fortune in yen for a string of drive-through, fast-food take-outs called Putin’s Peek-Inns! The menu may include “Egg Foo Yung McMuffins, and a “Moooo-Goo We-Have-The MEAT Burger”…

 8) Putin may end up in a small out of the way wildlife compound just across the Bering Sea in Alaska. There have been reports that an unnamed Russian has been hired by Sarah Palin to manage her “Maverick Moms’ Mammal Mansion”, a combination petting zoo and caged-hunt slaughter-center for millionaire-hunters who want to kill anything they can afford but without the inconvenience of camping out in the chilly weather, canned beans, bear attacks, and wet mittens.

Please stay tuned for upcoming bulletins on Vladimir Putin’s whereabouts and possible career and life choices in the event of his leaving office… voluntarily… or not.

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Sybil Bruncheon's Easter News From Around The World!!!...

Easter, 2003: From a press photo showing (then) President George W. Bush and Vice-President Dick Cheney reaffirming their stand for family values and the virtues of prayer, charity, and universal love to an adoring crowd in Poka-Ma-Hola, Idaho. The local Shriners threw an ice cream sociable at the VFW Lodge. (Anti-war protesters were chased off with cattle-prods or shot with crossbows and Uzis)...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Holiday Recipes... St. Patrick's Day!"...

For those of you who hate corned beef and cabbage but don't mind the gas and bad smells, we offer this alternative! Breaking News from the CNN news desk: The RNC has revealed that, in celebration of the president's soon-to-be return to the White House, they have invented an official recipe for the upcoming victory parties on election night! Their... um, "recommendation" is that all loyal Americans prepare, serve, and finish this delightful creation; a melding of recipes from the Sears Catalog Cook Book of 1946 (the president's birth year) and some hand-me-down recipes from Slovenia, the first lady's birthplace, (although there are rumors that she is from Uranus.) The RNC has suggested that the dish should be served with little toothpicks, paper umbrellas, and frankfurters... but NOT the mini ones!!... y'understand? NOT THE MINIS!!! Details at 6. The Heimlich maneuver at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "NEWS ITEMS FROM THE DISTANT FUTURE"!!! February 18th, 2219.....

... and here we have a photograph from 200 years ago... of what some historians believe is the president of a country formerly known as "The United States of America", since swallowed up into the pan-continental Northern Atlantic Corporate Brotherhood. This image was uncovered from the rubble of one of the cities involved in the Great War of 2028, and it is still not clear which one of the figures was the president... and which one was the wife...

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Sybil Bruncheon’s Christmas Tales For Young and Olde;

Krampus tells a story at Christmas time: "..and so dear little children, the bad man with orange hair said that everyone liked him, and should always do what he told them to. Sometimes he would touch a Mommie in her special place, and tell his friends about it and maybe draw pictures of what he did… Every day he would tell a funny story, and then change the story… and then change the story again… and laugh about it!… or yell.

That's why I finally threw him into the fireplace!… and when he stopped screaming, I made him into a juicy plum pudding! The end.

Now, did you like my little story?... and who would like a piece of my delicious plum pudding??"….

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “Thanksgivings Past”… Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: A Reprieve...

The president and first lady have been violently attacked shortly after a press conference in the rose garden! The couple had just presided over the annual pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey, in this case TWO turkeys named "Bread" and "Butter".
Mr. and Mrs. Trump had returned to their residence in their part of the White House when bloodcurdling screams and pleas for mercy were heard echoing through the halls by the serving staff. Secret Service officers were called, and the Trumps were found hideously disfigured with gouged out eyes. The President was discovered in his bathroom missing his hair as well, and Mrs. Trump was located near a garden shed with the words "Bug-Wife" scrawled in what looked like bloody claw scratchings. The turkeys were nowhere to be found nor was their luggage in the Lincoln Bedroom where they were to be guests for the Holiday weekend.
Police are questioning everyone involved with the ceremony including the farm where Bread and Butter lived prior to their celebrity in the nation's capital. Investigations are also being opened at the incubator where they were both raised as orphans and where there may be some evidence of juvenile records of violence or sexual deviancy that might have been sealed. Details at 6. Cranberry Sauce at 11.

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