Sybil Bruncheon’s “Christmas Lore From Around The World!”...
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...we all have heard about Santa's charming elves who help him manufacture a gazillion toys and then handle all the bureaucratic, diplomatic, and strategic details of getting them all to the right places in a mere 24 hours all around the globe. But has it ever occurred to you that there might have been disgruntled or even "rogue" elves who washed their tiny hands of the whole tiresome ritual dragging on and on, century after century, wondering when their own time for fun and festivities might come?..... well, it has been revealed by the Federal Department of Domestic Terrorism that we are now at a "Code Hollyberry RED Alert". Their special Subdivision of Strange And/Or Little Persons has named three particularly dangerous criminals, and this is a rare image taken of them breaking into an innocent citizen's home just yesterday... they are, from left, “Cokey”, known for dispensing all manner of dangerous/merry-making medicinal substances, mostly what he describes as “innocent herbals”. Peyote, cannabis, morphine, Quaaludes, MDA, MDM, LSD, and Lindt chocolates….. this fellow spreads laughter and leaps off balconies like confetti in his deadly wake!....sadly, most of his victims have huge smiles on their faces when they’re scraped off the pavement below. Next we have “Banksy” in the top hat. Loaner and scammer of money, bonds, stocks, derivatives, and junky costume jewelry with no resale value. He promises a good time, and then rifles your pockets while giving you a cozy hug and some deep tongue activity…you know the type!.... the next thing you know, it’s a marriage license, a brilliant honeymoon, and two weeks later you’re trying to tread water in the middle of the Hudson with cement loafers. And lastly, on the right we have “Lucky Pierre” with the horse-shoe around his waist…. Always upside down you’ll notice. He’s always there with a firm handshake, a “sure-thing” at the race track, the crap table, the MaJong club, or the National Spelling Bee. His advice is always so seductive, so intimately alluring, so trustworthy…and then you find yourself on the Titanic, the Lusitania, the Hindenburg, or honeymoonin’ with Banksy and smoking crack with Cokey in the Palace Hotel in San Francisco on April 18th, 1906 at 5:12 AM…. And it’s all downhill from there!, right? Do yourself a favor this Christmas, look BOTH ways before you invite an elf in for a little eggnog and some nookies!!
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