*Tour-ette on chasing the mid-Winter blues away! 1/17/2024

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*Tour-ette on the first snowy day of the New Year! YAY!! 1/16/2024

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “Christmas Lore From Around The World!”...

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...we all have heard about Santa's charming elves who help him manufacture a gazillion toys and then handle all the bureaucratic, diplomatic, and strategic details of getting them all to the right places in a mere 24 hours all around the globe. But has it ever occurred to you that there might have been disgruntled or even "rogue" elves who washed their tiny hands of the whole tiresome ritual dragging on and on, century after century, wondering when their own time for fun and festivities might come?..... well, it has been revealed by the Federal Department of Domestic Terrorism that we are now at a "Code Hollyberry RED Alert". Their special Subdivision of Strange And/Or Little Persons has named three particularly dangerous criminals, and this is a rare image taken of them breaking into an innocent citizen's home just yesterday... they are, from left, “Cokey”, known for dispensing all manner of dangerous/merry-making medicinal substances, mostly what he describes as “innocent herbals”. Peyote, cannabis, morphine, Quaaludes, MDA, MDM, LSD, and Lindt chocolates….. this fellow spreads laughter and leaps off balconies like confetti in his deadly wake!....sadly, most of his victims have huge smiles on their faces when they’re scraped off the pavement below. Next we have “Banksy” in the top hat. Loaner and scammer of money, bonds, stocks, derivatives, and junky costume jewelry with no resale value. He promises a good time, and then rifles your pockets while giving you a cozy hug and some deep tongue activity…you know the type!.... the next thing you know, it’s a marriage license, a brilliant honeymoon, and two weeks later you’re trying to tread water in the middle of the Hudson with cement loafers. And lastly, on the right we have “Lucky Pierre” with the horse-shoe around his waist…. Always upside down you’ll notice. He’s always there with a firm handshake, a “sure-thing” at the race track, the crap table, the MaJong club, or the National Spelling Bee. His advice is always so seductive, so intimately alluring, so trustworthy…and then you find yourself on the Titanic, the Lusitania, the Hindenburg, or honeymoonin’ with Banksy and smoking crack with Cokey in the Palace Hotel in San Francisco on April 18th, 1906 at 5:12 AM…. And it’s all downhill from there!, right? Do yourself a favor this Christmas, look BOTH ways before you invite an elf in for a little eggnog and some nookies!!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "CHRISTMASES PAST"... precocious children and bothersome adults.

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...known for being little geniuses by the M.I.T. community, Bartholomew Crichton at 8 years of age and Enid Crichton at 5 had turned their talents to inventing a fully automated "Santa Robot" to be used in department stores. At the unveiling, the children demonstrated that their machine could perform 46 different amazing tasks, including sitting, standing, walking, climbing both up and down, slinging a 60lb bag of toys on its shoulder, putting the bag back down, unloading each toy individually, handing them gently to the assistants and delighted onlookers, offering his lap to visitors and asking them what they would like for Christmas, and eating cookies. It was after the triumphant exhibition, much later in the night, that a surly janitor decided to give the robot-Santa a cup of hot cocoa from his thermos. In the morning, the authorities found the janitor scattered over ten miles of wooded countryside leading to the orphanage where "Santa" was discovered napping in a manger under the Christmas tree. He was wearing only a diaper made from a bedspread, and had fashioned a halo for himself out of a garbage can lid. The incident was regarded as a miracle by both the scientific and department store communities. International bidding for "The Crichton Santa" was immediate and feverish with competition from the Bergdorf, Bloomingdale, Saks, and Strauss families, from both Tiffany and Cartier, and from the Vatican as well. It was the Smithsonian Institute that finally won, eventually putting the new acquisition next to the Hope Diamond. Enid and Bartholomew went on to work extensively in the new fields of astrophysics and string theory. Mr. Hiram Gallet, the janitor (in pieces!), was gathered up by police personnel, and his body was donated to the Museum of Natural History to be mummified and used in a diorama about cannibals in New Guinea. He had no family or relations. 

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “Latest news about Winter!!!”...

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Dear Friends....You may or may not be happy to hear that the Elders on the "Winter Bureau" have conferred and declared that any reprieve we may have imagined we had from cold weather is OVER! They have had a bit of dissension among themselves on timetables, regional schedules, severity issues, meteorological strategies, and scarf-knitting. And even if there IS an occasional "warm-up" where the temperatures climb to 45° again, we are warned that we fall for it at our own peril! It will NOT last!

For more info, pamphlets, and a professional set of tools, equipment, maps with strange and indecipherable weather doodles, and a lifetime supply of yarn that can keep you cozy this season, call G-O-O-Z P-I-M-P-L-Y ... That's right, dial 466-074-6759. The nice man will tell you how to order! (The Elders include from left Filbert Sickles, DeeDee Shivarry, Bonk-Bonk, Countess Snowden, and Chill Willikers)

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