Sybil Bruncheon's "Who Said What?"...

Pick your favorite caption:

1)  "I HAVE chosen my Hallowe'en costume! I'm going to the party as a Caesar Salad.... hand me those damn croutons!!!… and light on the dressing!"

2)  Consider me a “hand-washable”, and PLEASE! NO bleach or softener.

3)  Now that I’ve finished off all the gold fish, my therapist says I’m identifying with my victims.

4)  I love hiding in the china cupboard and jumping out at my humans at the last minute. They can’t see me!

5)  So now I don’t leave my hair anywhere that a lint brush can’t fix… well… with a little Windex.

6)  This is the way I remind them I want some more Häagen-Dazs!… Vanilla!! 

7)  I didn’t mind the name “Fluffy” so much… but “Mr. Poofter”, “El Linto”, and “Dust Bunny” were out of the question!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

"It's MY Birthday, you jiggling bag of monkey-pudding!...Now get outta here, and come back on Loser Day!"

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Hollywood Fact or Fiction!"… NOW-UR-HERE/NOW-UR-NOT"!...

TRUE STORY!!... this is the only known photo of the horribly tragic incident of "Joan Crawford & The MGM Transporter"...

L.B. Mayer, in an attempt to save travel expenses for his major stars going on location shoots in the 1930s, invested in advanced scientific research at M.I.T.

Albert Einstein and a handful of radical physicists claimed that they could "transport" props, camera equipment, and even movie stars around the globe in an instant and have them back in Hollywood for dinner after a full day of filming on the other side of the Earth. And no more faking foreign sets on Hollywood backlots!! Joan Crawford, being one of the biggest stars at the time, pushed her way to the front of the line on the day that they were to inaugurate the new "Now-Ur-Here/Now-Ur-Not Time Bender".... it was located just off the MGM Commissary near the dessert counters. After knocking Clark Gable and Franchot Tone to the floor, Crawford threw herself into the glass travel-booth!... there was a blinding flash of silvery blue light, a whirring sound of gears and steam.. ending in the grinding of metal like a soda fountain milkshake-maker gone horribly awry... then a scream and maybe some swear-words, and when the brown smoke cleared, there remained only a dish of beans and franks where the great Joan Crawford had just stood!!...

Fortunately with Einstein's great mind, his team's determination, and L.B.'s vast resources, they were able to bring Crawford back, a little at a time, over the following 3 weeks, although cafeteria-goers kept trying to eat her... and complained of gas.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

"So who needs that stupid Cruella de Vil when you've got ME to sell your damn Pepsi?!?"

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

“I like my babies like I like my martinis!… Shaken and extra dry!”

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

"The table cloth is wrinkled, the sugar is hard, and they didn't set a dessert fork!! This is the last Odd Fellows dinner I ever attend."

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

"Of course I love Easter!!! Why d'ya think I had the Bunny made into this nice coat for my Birthday?!"

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

"Whattya mean they couldn't make March 23rd the official JOAN CRAWFORD DAY???..... how about the official LUCILLE LeSUEUR DAY???...and make sure they spell LeSUEUR correctly!!! I don't want any fresh-talk!"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

Very few people are aware that Joan Crawford’s first career in Hollywood was as a pizza-delivery girl at the “Kiss My Cannoli Char-CUTE-rie Pie Palace”...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

“Forget it Colonel! I’ve already closed the deal with the Jiffy-Pop people, or HADN’T YOU HEARD???”…

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