Sybil Bruncheon's "Thanksgiving Through History!"...

(Overheard at the very first Macy's Parade! 79 AD): "I don't care what you say Scrotus! My man-tiara does NOT make me look like a parakeet!"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's CHRISTMAS UPDATES: ... Macy's Employees' Holiday Benefits...

...Macy’s Department Store has opened a special “Employee Holiday Relaxation Clinic”! And with the world-famous Macy’s Santas working overtime to satisfy hundreds of children everyday, the Human Resources division has determined that every possible stress should be …um…”relieved”. Here, a trained psychological-health professional applies her skills to an exhausted but devoted worker….. and she’s even reciting, in a loud and commanding voice, the names of reindeer and oblong vegetables and anything else that will work to bring him, um… satisfaction!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases Past".... Hiram Chewsnowsky's Therapy.

...it had come to the attention of the faculty at Princeton University's "Carrington Institute of Advanced and Applicable Philosophy" that their dean, Hiram Chewsnowsky was having an existential crisis. Although widely respected and published many times over, nothing seemed to please or excite him anymore. His travels to every corner of the globe to study other societies and religions meant little or nothing to him. He returned from sabbaticals drunk, drugged, or with strange fashion choices, and sometimes with lipstick way outside his lip line, and on one occasion even a false eyelash glued on as a mustache while he sang "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles!".... in his reedy tenor.

Rather than discharge him, or hospitalize him, his colleagues decided to help him in a way that might not alert him to his predicament. They conspired with the Macy's Department store people to claim that the Institute was required by state law "to volunteer for community service" for their continued funding. Although the Carrington Institute, and indeed all of Princeton University, was know to be richly endowed, Chewsnowsky (though morose!) fell for the ruse. It was suggested that he might make a nice Santa Clause during the 6 weeks before Christmas. He was surprised at the suggestion, and told his friends so... "How kenn I bee aun effek-teev Sahnta to ahll doze sveet ceeldren? I am feeled weeth sooch ahngst und selp-dout about dee meening ob life eetself! Weel I nott stain dere yung minds, und eben con-tahmeeniate dere sveet nahtures?"... his fellow professors assured him that No! He would make an interesting and perhaps even inspirational Santa!....

And so it was, that on Friday, November 30th of that year, Professor Hiram Chewsnowsky became Macy's Santa Claus sitting on his great throne in his "North Pole Workshop" on the 6th floor. What the staff and faculty of Princeton had NOT told Hiram was that his first child was Master Randolph Tovar, child prodigy, holder of several degrees in anthropology, ethics, a Ph.D. from Yale in Constructive Philosophy, and the author of the internationally lauded "Advanced Optimistic Thought And Practice In The Geopolitical Playground of The 20th Century"… illustrated with his own rather sophisticated crayon drawings. Princeton had secretly hired 6-year-old Randolph to "sit on Santa's lap", and over the space of two hours, to discuss with him the "meaning of life". It worked!!!!... 

The faraway look in Chewsnowsky's eyes faded, he began to chuckle, to even twinkle, to reveal stories from his troubled childhood, his worries about faculty politics, a fracas in the publishing world, his missing teddy bear, an allergy to lime jello and other foods beginning with the letter "L". By the end of the two hours, the two geniuses had become friends and made plans to lunch together every Friday at the faculty club.... either at Princeton or at the Acacius Page School for Mostly Exceptional Young Persons. ..... it was noted though that other children who had been waiting two hours to meet "Santa" were finally shooed away with some candy that had lint on it...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "CHRISTMASES PAST!"... The Broken Railing...

...and then, just as everyone was having a lovely time, and Miss Grendin ran up to tell the whole party that they would be wining and dining at the Rainbow Room, the flimsy railing at Macy's gave way and everyone; Mr. Dutworthy, Countess Jenxton, Captain Farntbuttle, and Santa himself plummeted down onto the parade-goers. It was only as the ambulances arrived that it was discovered that the man playing Santa was actually the REAL SANTA CLAUS!.... and that he would be paralyzed from the neck down...permanently.

Countess Jenxton, who had only sprained her "cankle", and was known to be an inveterate optimist even in the face of both the San Francisco earthquake (which she survived) and later the Hindenburg (on which she was a passenger!) said simply that, being paralyzed, Santa could now have millions of children sit on him for days at a time with NO discomfort!... and everyone agreed later at dinner at the Rainbow Room that it was nice how things sometimes worked out, wasn't it?... And Santa's nice nurse helped him nod his head and wiped the dribbled mince pie and whipped cream from his chin.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "My Merry Memoirs"... at Macy's...

Have I told you about my adventures with one of my favorite photographers over the years?? Lawrence Hunter was by my side for so many of those planned (and UNplanned!) moments in one's career! Here's one from a Macy's Holiday announcement from a few years ago!

MACY'S CHRISTMAS NEWS FLASH!!!....Hey, folks!!! Macy's apparently has had a board meeting of the top execs and decided that "the whole Santa thing may have run its course" as CEO Myer Saltmeyer said so bluntly on Friday morning. Granted he may have been inspired by their parade-Santa finishing the route in front of the store, jumping off the sleigh-float, running into the Gourmet Dainty Delicacies and Cheery Beverages Department and downing two bottles of Drambuie in 20 minutes flat! He then ran to Ladies Intimates & Naughties and stripped down to a pair of SnowFlake Pasties and a Sprig 'o' Holly G-String and did the man-mambo in front of four nuns shopping for roller blades. Mr. Saltmeyer called my agent who called me and presented their project:... A new Christmas character named, are you ready?... "ELFIE-Ba".... a mischievous little creature who listens to the Christmas wishes of children around the world and gives them lessons in etiquette, penmanship, mattress trampoline, fine dining and appropriate utensil usage, and moisturizing.

I think we're still going to be tweaking the basic concept and making adjustments! I'm not sure about the costume (though it IS jolly!), nor the decision to have the children line up on Macy's 6th floor at ELFIE-Ba's "pied-à-terre" (named "GAY Gardens"!) and sit beside her on a Louis XV chaise while servants prepare tea..."Earl Grey or Hu Kwa?" and croissants filled with Nutella... What do you think??

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Thanksgivings Past"... sur-REAL.....

It was never clear and certainly never explained why in 1933 with the Depression raging and tensions building in Europe that the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade committee turned the design of the floats and balloons over to Salvador Dali...All that could be determined later was that he should have been more closely supervised by the staff of the store...or at least by the in-house employee psychologist, if only to avoid possible scandals and lawsuits. But on Thursday morning, November 30th, when his unexplained "Fish With High Heels" sailed down the avenue and it was met by a shrieking crowd, nothing could be done. Nor was there much help that medical and police personnel could do for the dead and dying among the stampede victims. The toll might have remained at only a few hundred, but the hideous thing broke loose from its handlers and drifted North-North-East into Yonkers where it began its clumsy rampage of terror and destruction into Duchess county and on up into Connecticut before a squadron of biplanes shot it down and burned the hated thing in a bonfire in Hartford on the steps of the state capitol...

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Sybil Bruncheon’s THANKSGIVINGS PAST.... BULLWINKLE THE MOOSE!...

THANKSGIVING PARADES Past!!... Bullwinkle the Moose was invited back into the parade line-up for the Macy's Annual Holiday Celebration. In an effort to rehabilitate the beloved creature, he was paroled from Cartoon Prison where he was to serve a 13-year sentence for impersonating a magician and attempting to saw Mr. Peabody in half... He was released on good behavior provided that he would continue to wear his prison stripes in all public appearances. Although still badly scarred from dog and squirrel bites (his left leg is notably shorter than his right!) he seems to be getting along just fine with his parole officers. All 43 of them are seen here escorting him down the avenue.

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